I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
