i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
