Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
