i already hear my dad disowning me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
