i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
