Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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