I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We have started to decorate penises.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
