I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
