your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
