Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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