You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
