I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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