I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude i'm inner monologue high
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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