my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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