I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
