Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
