My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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