I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
