thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
