Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
they're like a gay fantastic four
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
