Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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