I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize