I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
