At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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