I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
