I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
