i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i think im in europe. pls send help
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
