I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
