Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
