no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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