I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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