this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
