dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
