Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
