JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
