Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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