i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
