my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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