Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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