been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
