He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
