Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
