It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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