My first STD was from a foam party
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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