Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
