i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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