Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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