I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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