gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
