Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
