Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
