I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
