Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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