i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
