You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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