He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
