then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
