and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
