I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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