please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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