what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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